Last year my personal mantra was, "Let it Go." I was determined last year to live my mantra, and I'm proud to say I think I did it. But, I didn't do it alone. Last year was a turning point for me, and I'm so grateful that I had wonderful, supportive people helping me along the way.
I started last year just feeling exhausted, burnt out, and at times downright depressed. A whole lot of little things stacked up and led me to that dark place. It wasn't until May that I asked for the help I so badly needed.
Darren had a business trip in Utah in May and he took me and the kids with him so we could visit with his parents while he worked. It was that trip that gave me a little break and a breather. I just wanted Darren's mom to be around to help me out with the kids. I really didn't feel very functional at this point. I was dealing with frequent IBS and found it hard to do much more than go to yoga classes and make the meals. I didn't feel like I was able to give the kids my attention and energy...I just didn't have any to give.
Since we had been searching for a bigger house to move to, we thought we'd see if Darren's parents would want to relocate and downsize to our current house. I don't know how we did it, but we convinced Darren's mom to come for the summer and worry about her place in Utah once the summer was over. I think it actually worked out pretty well for her, since Grandpa T was working in California all summer and she would've been home alone all summer.
She came the week after Darren's younger brother and his family moved to town as well. All of the sudden I went from zero family in town to four people being right here. Having family around really lightened my load. There was someone home in the evenings with me to help me with the bed time routine when Darren worked late. There was someone to help me when the kids wanted to go swimming. There were just more adults around to talk to (really nice for a stay at home mom)!
I finally started taking care of myself too. I'd noticed what seemed like a lump in my arm pit, as well as the regular bouts with IBS, so with Grandma around to watch the kids, I went to see a doctor. I'll let you know right away that the lump in my arm pit was just a muscle. I went to a separate appointment to have an ultrasound on it to confirm (apparently all the climbing and yoga I've been doing over the last year had made my muscles grow!). That was a relief. Back to that first appointment though...well, I was a mess. I started talking to the doctor and I was just in tears. I was exhausted all the time I told her...and sad...and the IBS. She prescribed some pain pills or something for the stomach cramps (which I will never take, thankyouverymuch..let's get to the cause and not treat symptoms!!) and she suggested I might want to contact a psychiatrist or a psychologist from her recommended list.
A month later and I'd finally Googled all the professionals on the doctor's recommended list, but I didn't feel good about any of them. I certainly didn't want to start by seeing a psychiatrist either. Medications have their place, but I do not feel like taking pills is a long term relationship I want to get started on. So this doctor I was unimpressed with wasn't really any help in finding a therapist to see. I researched on my own and finally found a clinical psychologist that I felt could be a good fit, and she offered a free 30 minute consultation (which I was able to set up online, without even having to pick up the phone!).
At the end of August I finally had my first appointment with a psychologist. This was years in the making for me to finally get to this appointment. Darren had been encouraging me for years to see a therapist. And for years I'd wanted to go see one, but I just hadn't done it. I'm here to say now, if you've ever thought you'd like to talk to a professional, go and do it. My experience with therapy was wonderful. She gave me tools I needed to change. She helped me see that what I was mostly dealing with in my life was anxiety. It had never even crossed my mind that I might be an anxiety sufferer. Mind blown. Once I recognized what anxiety was to me, I was able to learn how to manage it. It's taken me the last few months to do this, but just this last Sunday at our appointment, my therapist said she thought our sessions had come to an end. I have reached the point where it's time to fly on my own. I was on cloud nine as I walked out of our session. I felt so confident and successful. I felt more like myself than I had in a very long time.
As I attended therapy over the last few months, I came to realize that somewhere along the road I had lost myself. I was mother and wife and daughter, but the question I couldn't really answer at the beginning of therapy was: Who is Adria? I've been working on finding Adria again and spending time doing things just for me. It's been a fun journey, but it's still a process to shake off old habits. I've come to realize that just five minutes of "me time" everyday is the recipe for balance and happiness. I'm so happy to start off 2015 as a brand new me, ready to fly.
P.S. This may be TMI, but the IBS is totally a symptom of anxiety. The good news about that is I can manage my anxiety and not have to deal with that unpleasant symptom!
I started last year just feeling exhausted, burnt out, and at times downright depressed. A whole lot of little things stacked up and led me to that dark place. It wasn't until May that I asked for the help I so badly needed.
Darren had a business trip in Utah in May and he took me and the kids with him so we could visit with his parents while he worked. It was that trip that gave me a little break and a breather. I just wanted Darren's mom to be around to help me out with the kids. I really didn't feel very functional at this point. I was dealing with frequent IBS and found it hard to do much more than go to yoga classes and make the meals. I didn't feel like I was able to give the kids my attention and energy...I just didn't have any to give.
Since we had been searching for a bigger house to move to, we thought we'd see if Darren's parents would want to relocate and downsize to our current house. I don't know how we did it, but we convinced Darren's mom to come for the summer and worry about her place in Utah once the summer was over. I think it actually worked out pretty well for her, since Grandpa T was working in California all summer and she would've been home alone all summer.
She came the week after Darren's younger brother and his family moved to town as well. All of the sudden I went from zero family in town to four people being right here. Having family around really lightened my load. There was someone home in the evenings with me to help me with the bed time routine when Darren worked late. There was someone to help me when the kids wanted to go swimming. There were just more adults around to talk to (really nice for a stay at home mom)!
I finally started taking care of myself too. I'd noticed what seemed like a lump in my arm pit, as well as the regular bouts with IBS, so with Grandma around to watch the kids, I went to see a doctor. I'll let you know right away that the lump in my arm pit was just a muscle. I went to a separate appointment to have an ultrasound on it to confirm (apparently all the climbing and yoga I've been doing over the last year had made my muscles grow!). That was a relief. Back to that first appointment though...well, I was a mess. I started talking to the doctor and I was just in tears. I was exhausted all the time I told her...and sad...and the IBS. She prescribed some pain pills or something for the stomach cramps (which I will never take, thankyouverymuch..let's get to the cause and not treat symptoms!!) and she suggested I might want to contact a psychiatrist or a psychologist from her recommended list.
A month later and I'd finally Googled all the professionals on the doctor's recommended list, but I didn't feel good about any of them. I certainly didn't want to start by seeing a psychiatrist either. Medications have their place, but I do not feel like taking pills is a long term relationship I want to get started on. So this doctor I was unimpressed with wasn't really any help in finding a therapist to see. I researched on my own and finally found a clinical psychologist that I felt could be a good fit, and she offered a free 30 minute consultation (which I was able to set up online, without even having to pick up the phone!).
At the end of August I finally had my first appointment with a psychologist. This was years in the making for me to finally get to this appointment. Darren had been encouraging me for years to see a therapist. And for years I'd wanted to go see one, but I just hadn't done it. I'm here to say now, if you've ever thought you'd like to talk to a professional, go and do it. My experience with therapy was wonderful. She gave me tools I needed to change. She helped me see that what I was mostly dealing with in my life was anxiety. It had never even crossed my mind that I might be an anxiety sufferer. Mind blown. Once I recognized what anxiety was to me, I was able to learn how to manage it. It's taken me the last few months to do this, but just this last Sunday at our appointment, my therapist said she thought our sessions had come to an end. I have reached the point where it's time to fly on my own. I was on cloud nine as I walked out of our session. I felt so confident and successful. I felt more like myself than I had in a very long time.
As I attended therapy over the last few months, I came to realize that somewhere along the road I had lost myself. I was mother and wife and daughter, but the question I couldn't really answer at the beginning of therapy was: Who is Adria? I've been working on finding Adria again and spending time doing things just for me. It's been a fun journey, but it's still a process to shake off old habits. I've come to realize that just five minutes of "me time" everyday is the recipe for balance and happiness. I'm so happy to start off 2015 as a brand new me, ready to fly.
P.S. This may be TMI, but the IBS is totally a symptom of anxiety. The good news about that is I can manage my anxiety and not have to deal with that unpleasant symptom!
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