February 5, 2013
One month of this new year has already flown by. I spent most of that month contemplating this letter that I'm finally writing to all of you. The beginning of a new year is a time of self reflection for me, and this year has been no different in that regard. What has been different this year is the big change Darren and I are making in our lives. I want each of you to hear this from me, so please read on.
First and foremost, I want you all to know how very much your love, friendship, and support have meant to me. Since moving to Texas life has been a new sort of challenging for my little family. The sort of challenging that makes you examine everything. We live hundreds of miles from any of our family, and the friendships that I’ve made through the Church have been my lifeline. The Church has been my culture, my community, my way of life, but that is all about to change...
We haven't been to church in 3 weeks. We quit, cold turkey. Darren told me several weeks ago that he couldn't keep being part of the Church and be honest with himself. We've spent the last year having lots of great late night discussions, so this didn't come as a surprise to me. (I'm so glad we've been open and honest and non-judgemental with each other; this is the kind of thing that can tear a marriage apart!). I needed a little more time to explore my relationship with the Church and the issues that Darren had shed some light on. Three weeks weeks ago I also knew that I could not preserve my own integrity and remain in the Church. It has been a heart-wrenching, soul-searching, period of time as we have considered our faith and been in pursuit of truth. All of this has amounted to our own summation that we’ve not had the whole truth as devout, born and raised LDS believers.
My feelings over the last few weeks remind me of a scene from “Tangled.” Rapunzel has escaped from the tower that she’s been cooped up in by her “mother” and we see her mood swing from happy to sad, and back again. She has been led to believe that the world outside her tower is out to get her, it’s a place that’s not safe. Once she experiences the world outside, she’s aware that it’s beautiful and not “out to get her,” yet she still can’t help feeling sad that she’s hurting the “mother” she’s loved. I have felt something like this as I’ve decided to leave behind my former reality and abandon it for what is actually real. Parting ways with the Church has taken a whole lot of courage, just like Rapunzel leaving her tower took courage. I hope you can understand that this has been a difficult thing to do, and a decision that has not been taken lightly. The Church has been my everything; it’s more than just a place I go each Sunday to worship, it has been my culture, my community, my way of life. But just as Rapunzel could never go back to living the life she knew in that tower, I can never go back to living life the Mormon way. I hope this analogy is not too harsh, but I really believe that there is deception in the Church, and I feel much better about my life knowing that I can remove myself from that deception.
We probably won’t make any significant changes in our lifestyle, and we plan on teaching our children to live with integrity and honesty, just as we’d always planned. One thing that I would like to be noted, is that our departure from the Church is not a result from sin, having taken offense from members, from contact with anti-Mormons, or from joining another church. Our own desire to be good people, to think for ourselves, and critically examine the things we have been taught has led us where we are.
We still want the same things that most people want out of life: peace, love, and happiness. I would love to maintain friendships. I hope that the relationships I have developed with each member of my family will continue to grow and this change will not interfere. I am willing to accept each of you and your choice to be a member of the Church and will not condemn you for making a choice you honestly believe in. I hope you are willing to accept me for who I am as well. I have no agenda to persuade anyone to think what I think and hope to have mutual respect in this regard.
Aside from the small amount of stress that I am enduring until Feb 24th arrives (the deadline for my Financial Management class), I am very happy and at peace right now. It's still hard to separate myself from the community I have been a part of my whole life, but I'm not losing the best parts of my life (Darren and the kids, of course). I love you all and would appreciate if you give yourself a few days before you contact me about this. I am aware that this kind of news may be a bit shocking, so let’s please have a cooling off period for the next few days.
I hope February is a good month for everyone! I probably won’t blog again until I finish my class, but you can always check me out on Instagram @adrialou :o)
P.S. If anyone truly wants to discuss the things that led to our departure, I am happy to discuss them through phone, e-mail, or in person...just ask.
Comments