...or I should say trying to get things done! I'm not even sure how many days ago I started this post, but I am finally finishing it up and posting it. Whenever there is a lack of blogging from me, it's safe to guess that I'm sleep deprived and worn out more than usual. Nothing new, but I am on a roller coaster of emotions lately. I'm going to chalk it up to the sleep deprivation, but maybe it's something more...I don't know, but I'm just doing my best to keep it together. I'm going to go ahead and have a little blog therapy right now, so feel free to skip ahead to the goings on of the past week if you'd rather not have a peek into my head.
I don't know how mothers of little children keep their sanity. Again, maybe it's just the lack of sleep that has me feeling wasted. I feel like I don't have my life in control these days. Lila definitely would like to be boss around here, and some days I probably let her boss me around too much. I struggle with feeling like I'm either too hard on her or not hard enough. Today I started thinking that she's just a reflection of myself and my own feelings lately. Our lives changed dramatically this year when Walt joined our family. We could not love him more, but it's still an adjustment to have one more person in our home. Me and Lila are both still figuring out how to manage ourselves and our feelings about being a family of four. Some days I feel like I'm not adequately meeting the emotional needs of both or one of the children. Do I give Walter the same undivided attention that I gave Lila as a baby? No, that's not even possible. I try to remind myself that both Darren and I are second children and we are fine with our birth order, so Walt will be fine too. But I still wish I could somehow give Walt the attention I gave Lila as a baby. Then I feel badly when I have to ask Lila to let me be alone with Walter so I can get him down for his nap. She storms out of my room crying and acting very hurt, and I just wonder if I'm doing things right. Then there's trying to get the household chores done, but one or both of the children would much prefer me to give them my attention the entire day. And I would LOVE to do that, except that we all need fed, and if we're going to be clean and healthy then I really have to get at least the bare minimum of housework done. More than once in the last few weeks I've found myself imagining how nice it would be to have a maid or a cook, or a babysitter at my beck and call. And let's not even get on the topic of my last two online classes that still aren't finished. My blog has really been ignored lately because the day runs out yet the list has not been completed. I think I started today with exactly the same task list as last Monday. I barely accomplished one of the extra tasks last week that I had in addition to the usual laundry, grocery shopping, and chores. I just want to accomplish more. I want to feel more fulfilled. I keep feeling like I need to have a schedule each day/week so I can keep myself on task and feel a sense of accomplishment. But who has time to sit down and make out a schedule? It takes me far too long to sit down each week and make the meal plan, let alone write out a schedule that I will live and breathe by! And after all that, I remember how blessed I am to have my own little home and children to look after, care for, and love. Then I start thinking how selfish of me to want more time, when the time I have is well spent tending to these little spirits that our Father in Heaven has blessed me with. And by this point tears fill my eyes and that roller coaster of emotions just keeps going. Well, I think the only thing to do is to spend my time doing the very best things and stop worrying about everything else. I could spend less time meal planning if I would stop my obsession with trying new recipes. (Note to self: stop looking at new recipes, reuse old meal plans, and make the same recipes again!) I could involve Lila in helping with the chores more so she and I can spend that time working side by side (hey, even Disney princess do chores!). I could put Walt in the Ergo carrier more often while I'm doing chores, instead of complaining that he's too heavy to carry I would get my workout in too! In the evenings I could get Darren to help me with the kitchen clean up while we have a chat, instead of a lengthy chat later when I should be sleeping :D Whew, blog therapy is working!
Alright, enough of that, it's off my chest, now on to the blessings from the days I wrote stuff down and the goings ons of the last couple weeks:
Monday
Phone calls with my sisters. This may have kept me from getting a couple more things done, but a good chat with your sister is usually worth the loss of productivity!
We vacuumed, stripped, washed, and remade beds, tidied up, made dinner, Facetimed with Grandma T, played Duplos, exercised and eventually got dressed :)
Tuesday
We got Lila ready and off to preschool on time (thank goodness it doesn't start until 9:15!).
Me and Walt browsed Target and found him some bargains in the baby clothes.
I made brisket in the morning and dinner was ready in minutes later on (my first time making brisket too).
I channeled my inner artist and designed an ornament to send to Darren's grandpa. Lila was inspired by my doodling and did some doodling of her own. I was impressed today that she's getting so much better at writing and drawing!
Cuddling with my little man for a nap today was the best.
The temperature dropped by 25 degrees today--woot!
...the rest of the days of the week(s) I didn't bother counting my blessings at the end of the day...oops.
Anyway, here's what else happened, good and bad:
Enjoy the pics!
I don't know how mothers of little children keep their sanity. Again, maybe it's just the lack of sleep that has me feeling wasted. I feel like I don't have my life in control these days. Lila definitely would like to be boss around here, and some days I probably let her boss me around too much. I struggle with feeling like I'm either too hard on her or not hard enough. Today I started thinking that she's just a reflection of myself and my own feelings lately. Our lives changed dramatically this year when Walt joined our family. We could not love him more, but it's still an adjustment to have one more person in our home. Me and Lila are both still figuring out how to manage ourselves and our feelings about being a family of four. Some days I feel like I'm not adequately meeting the emotional needs of both or one of the children. Do I give Walter the same undivided attention that I gave Lila as a baby? No, that's not even possible. I try to remind myself that both Darren and I are second children and we are fine with our birth order, so Walt will be fine too. But I still wish I could somehow give Walt the attention I gave Lila as a baby. Then I feel badly when I have to ask Lila to let me be alone with Walter so I can get him down for his nap. She storms out of my room crying and acting very hurt, and I just wonder if I'm doing things right. Then there's trying to get the household chores done, but one or both of the children would much prefer me to give them my attention the entire day. And I would LOVE to do that, except that we all need fed, and if we're going to be clean and healthy then I really have to get at least the bare minimum of housework done. More than once in the last few weeks I've found myself imagining how nice it would be to have a maid or a cook, or a babysitter at my beck and call. And let's not even get on the topic of my last two online classes that still aren't finished. My blog has really been ignored lately because the day runs out yet the list has not been completed. I think I started today with exactly the same task list as last Monday. I barely accomplished one of the extra tasks last week that I had in addition to the usual laundry, grocery shopping, and chores. I just want to accomplish more. I want to feel more fulfilled. I keep feeling like I need to have a schedule each day/week so I can keep myself on task and feel a sense of accomplishment. But who has time to sit down and make out a schedule? It takes me far too long to sit down each week and make the meal plan, let alone write out a schedule that I will live and breathe by! And after all that, I remember how blessed I am to have my own little home and children to look after, care for, and love. Then I start thinking how selfish of me to want more time, when the time I have is well spent tending to these little spirits that our Father in Heaven has blessed me with. And by this point tears fill my eyes and that roller coaster of emotions just keeps going. Well, I think the only thing to do is to spend my time doing the very best things and stop worrying about everything else. I could spend less time meal planning if I would stop my obsession with trying new recipes. (Note to self: stop looking at new recipes, reuse old meal plans, and make the same recipes again!) I could involve Lila in helping with the chores more so she and I can spend that time working side by side (hey, even Disney princess do chores!). I could put Walt in the Ergo carrier more often while I'm doing chores, instead of complaining that he's too heavy to carry I would get my workout in too! In the evenings I could get Darren to help me with the kitchen clean up while we have a chat, instead of a lengthy chat later when I should be sleeping :D Whew, blog therapy is working!
Alright, enough of that, it's off my chest, now on to the blessings from the days I wrote stuff down and the goings ons of the last couple weeks:
Monday
Phone calls with my sisters. This may have kept me from getting a couple more things done, but a good chat with your sister is usually worth the loss of productivity!
We vacuumed, stripped, washed, and remade beds, tidied up, made dinner, Facetimed with Grandma T, played Duplos, exercised and eventually got dressed :)
Tuesday
We got Lila ready and off to preschool on time (thank goodness it doesn't start until 9:15!).
Me and Walt browsed Target and found him some bargains in the baby clothes.
I made brisket in the morning and dinner was ready in minutes later on (my first time making brisket too).
I channeled my inner artist and designed an ornament to send to Darren's grandpa. Lila was inspired by my doodling and did some doodling of her own. I was impressed today that she's getting so much better at writing and drawing!
Cuddling with my little man for a nap today was the best.
The temperature dropped by 25 degrees today--woot!
...the rest of the days of the week(s) I didn't bother counting my blessings at the end of the day...oops.
Anyway, here's what else happened, good and bad:
- Lila was sick, twice.
- Walter turned 9 months. He still refuses to crawl, but scoots all over on his bottom, and as of today has 6 teeth. He also is trying to walk all over the place with the help of mom and dad (is he actually going to skip crawling??!) His favorite food is mama's milk, but otherwise he loves fresh pears and pumpkin puree. He loves to scream, play with the drain stopper in the tub, throw things, and play with his sister. We like to think that he can already say Lila and mama :o)
- We decorated the house for Christmas and did Christmas crafting and planning. We are looking forward to all of Darren's family together for Christmas in Utah.
- Grandma Turetzky passed away and Darren went to the funeral in Colorado last Saturday. It was a good thing he had all those frequent flyer miles from the Australia trip. I was very glad that me and the kids went and visited his grandmother one last time in October.
- Sleep deprivation is in full swing as we've moved Walt into Lila's room. Although I love the convenience of co-sleeping, I was getting tired of a sore neck and Darren sleeping in the other room. So, Darren and I are sharing our bed again, but we haven't gotten to the point yet where Walt will have more than a 4 hour stretch of sleep without waking up. So yeah, we're working on it!
- Lastly, I still haven't added pictures from our last 3 trips to the blog (but *hopefully* I will before our next trip!).
Enjoy the pics!
9 months old!
Lila insisted on taking my picture.
I insisted on taking her picture, and she was having a musical moment :o)
Our trio of handmade ornaments that we sent to Darren's grandpa.
At this point, Lila doesn't nap anymore unless she's sick. I felt bad she was sick, but I was glad she took a nap!
Trying a cutie...it was a little sour!
I tried to move our thankful tree to Lila's bedroom, but she would not have it. So we winterized our thankful tree; the leaves "fell" off and snow appeared!
This baby was 5 years coming...Darren bought the old Vitamix base at a garage sale in Colorado our first summer with Apx. We finally ordered a shiny new pitcher and blade so we can join the green smoothie craze :o)
Feet at the table...not really interested in food, just showing off his flexibility :o)
Lila was very cold on our morning walk, which doesn't happen too often in these parts!
We glittered up the toes of her boots to cover up some scuffing. She LOVES them now more than ever!
Snow in the house while it was 80 degrees outside last week.
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